It's crazy to think that 2020 is just around the corner.
2019 was definitely a year of "finding myself". I hate being that cliche blogger, but I honestly don't know how else to describe it. I feel like up until now, I had my entire life planned. I knew I was going to go to college, attend medical school, become a surgeon, and be married and have kids (all by 26). That was the plan. But, life's a weird thing. You can't really plan life, no matter how much of a neurotic virgo you are. Shit WILL hit the fan and while you're trying to pick up all the pieces you will be left wondering what went wrong. I spent a huge part of 2019 obsessing and crying over what went wrong. On the outside everything was great. My grades were the best that I could make them be, I was part of amazing organizations, travelled, had the greatest time with my best friends, loved by family, but on the inside I felt like everything was crumbling down. Self doubt took over the better part of 2019 for me. I lost confidence in myself and distanced myself from many people I was close to. I kept second guessing my intelligence and wondered if medicine was the right path for me. I knew (and still know) that I'm more than capable of becoming a great doctor, but I lost all the confidence I had in myself. As 2019 is coming to an end, I'm starting to regain confidence in myself. I'm starting to love myself more (so cliche but you know what it's fine LOVE YOURSELF). To anyone reading this, you're not alone. We all deal with self doubt, but I think if we start to talk about it more, we can start normalizing this and try to help each other.
I have come to terms with my battle with food. Growing up, I was always so picky on what I would eat, but living at home allowed me to be healthy because my parents made sure I ate. When I got to college it all went down the drain. Whenever I got stressed I didn't eat (i'm premed so i'm pretty much stressed all the time). I hated EVERY ounce of fat and curves on my body. I restricted what I ate so much that during my sophomore year of college I lost 15 pounds (which put me at 108 lbs and I'm 5'6"). Over the summer, I started to work on my body confidence. I'm not going to lie, there are still days where I look at pictures of my sophomore year self and wish I was that skinny again. However, I try not to let that consume my life. I've started eat healthy and eat three times a day. I even started to work out, but now with the goal of getting stronger and being healthy (not skinny). It's still a journey, but hey when I feel down I just listen to Lizzo.
In addition the political climate is at an all time high. There have been so many instances when I saw the news and just started crying. The hatred is unfathnoble in some places and I just don't understand. America was built on religious freedom and is the known as the "Free World." We need to all accept everyone regardless of what they believe in, what they identify as, etc. WE ARE ALL EQUAL. There should be no exception.
OK that was heavy. On to some of the good parts of 2019.
I turned 22! It's my Taylor Swift year, and let me tell you, being happy, free, confused in the best way is actually kinda amazing. As a society we put so much pressure on what we have to achieve in our 20s. We train ourselves to fear 30, unless we've ticked off all the things we should have accomplished in our 20s. But, at 22, you're just starting to live your adult life, and its kind of F**KING amazing. Everyone around you has NO CLUE about what they're doing and you all weirdly bond over it. I'm excited to live out the rest of my 20s and while there will be many bumps along the road its gonna be fine because your friends are right there (and so is a bottle of red).
I got to travel! I am so fortunate to have been able to travel and in 2019, my family and I went to Eastern Europe. I absolutely loved emerging in the culture of those countries, drinking tons of coffee, having a bit too much wine, and seeing gorgeous architecture.
I started to LISTEN more in what is going on in the world. In the past, I passively heard news from friends or family, but this year I made it a goal to listen to the news every morning on my way to class. Being more aware of what is going on not only in America, but also the world helps to give you a perspective on issues that circle the political climate. If you'r looking for some great news sources on Spotify, check out: Pod Save America and NPR News Now.
I have a skincare routine! I honestly never had a skincare routine prior to turning 22. I usually just washed my face with cod water and soap and sometimes put cream on. Now I almost never leave the house without sunscreen, have gotten better at drinking water, and have actually invested money on a couple of skincare products. My FAVORITE face cream is the Light Fit REAL Water Toner to Cream by COSRX. COSRX is an amazing Korean skincare brand and their products are amazing. I have psoriasis and used to get a lot of dry patches around my nose and mouth area. While I have been eating healthy and trying to reduce stress, this cream has really helped out the psoriasis on my face. I never get dry patches anymore and the texture of my skin has improved so much!
I made some amazing memories with my best friends and my sister! Growing up my sister and I fought like cats and dogs. Now we live together in college and while there have been some downs, we've also had some really fun times. Just the other day we went to our local Asian town, had so much good food and went book shopping. Now that we've gotten older its easier to relate more and not fight LOL. All my friends and I turned 21 in 2019 so we had some great nights out, cooked some delicious food, and may or may not have stayed up till 3 am watching KPOP videos. I'm so grateful to have found my best friends in college and the thought of us all being in different places next year scares me a little.
I hope you all have a safe NYE and a fabulous 2020!
Peace and Love,
Srini
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